Let’s not pretend it’s not an issue: People in all “shades of oldness” need and want love and connection as much as younger people. Perhaps, even a lot more.
Long-standing retired widowers often have a particularly difficult time dealing with advanced age, especially when they are looking for a younger woman. They have a lot to overcome:
Brain chemistry changes
Lifestyle induced decline that happens rapidly, insidiously
Loss of social awareness
Loss of boundary awareness
Unaware of their annoying behaviors
Loss of concern for personal cleanliness
Unaware of loss of physical attractiveness
For decades, married men often took fujimaru their wives for granted. They had sex when they wanted it and didn’t do anything to stay physically or sexually attractive. (not that the wife did, either). Truth is, they both took each other for granted.
When a woman loses her husband, assuming she still has a young-ish persona, and if she has paid even minimal attention to her social skills, she can usually get back into the dating game. She may not have much to choose from, but she’s “in play”. If a woman can paint her face, pull on her Spanx, and spray on some perfume, she can usually attract someone to share her life to one degree or another.
A man, however, will have a more difficult time, especially if he wants a much younger woman, or unless he is well set financially, in which case, he can usually attract whatever he wants.
Many men have long forgotten how to attract and interact with a new and probably younger woman who is more contemporary than the woman he had been living with for so many years. A man who has not aged well, be it the result of faulty genes, or health issues may have a difficult time. For example, a fastidious woman is turned off by seeing bad or missing teeth and bad breath. And, this is a BIG – a woman doesn’t want to be a nurse. She’s caring but she’s done taking care of sick and needy children – or adults.
For some unfathomable reason, old men seem to think they should join the young men’s trend to have facial hair. Think about it: an old/older man with a face full of shaggy white hair doesn’t look sexy; he just looks 20 years older than he is and if the truth is told, he looks decrepit. And because he may not be as fastidious as he could be, his beard may be infested with a variety of food remnants and other remains which scientific testing has discovered may be rife with fecal bacteria.
Even though a man is not as sharp as he used to be and his body is shriveled to one degree or another, often, he still fancies himself an attractive stud any woman would desire. If you want to see something pathetic, watch an old guy at McDonald’s ordering a cup of senior coffee and flirting with a female teenage order taker who tolerates him with a giggle and a smile because she can’t afford to be unpleasant and perhaps lose her job.
Yes, at an advanced chronological age, life can be tough for both genders, but it doesn’t have to be if an effort is made early on in life to preserve many of the gifts given to us by youth. Thinking and preparing ahead pay off.
Barbara Morris, R.Ph. is a pharmacist, author of “The New Put Old on Hold” and a recognized authority on health and anti-aging strategies. Sign up for her monthly Put Old on Hold Newsletter